Insomnia

Drawing out some problems

That may be, or may not be be me in the late 30s

It's been a while since I took hold of my pen and; pencil and dose off onto the surface of smooth textiles paper. I seemed to miss out a lot of drawing, other than jotting notes, scribbling chemical structures, Biochemistry reaction cycles yadda yadda yadda… that requires the motion of stationaries. 

Distressed as it may seemed, I wonder too much and the anxiety somehow is killing me; I just could not help it but to overthink and overreact and over judged most of the things. Abusive way of perfectionism leads me to parlous insomnia. Cartons of milk do not seem to work; pretentious reading stacks of tedious lecture notes either, or even the regular marathon applications on my iPhone. I took up daily jogging, thinking that it might rest my mind a bit, but somehow I still… have my biological clock to ring me up way earlier than expected. 

You may think that it’s a good until physically you get all exhausted and wearied but you’re doomed in a state where you can’t have a proper sleep. 

It’s like hell. 

Decisions made; decisions changed; decisions uncertain. Sometimes I wonder whether am I making the correct decision or not because it is not like a geometric graph that goes on simultaneously. It depends on changes while making decisions, and I’m afraid that a sudden change might cost me years of regret while making it in the first place.