This has to be the sweetest text Michael Chia has ever sent to me

Your Cheating Pit Hole

Pre finals exam table accompanied by my room mate's pile of books

One can cheat through simple tests, exams, maybe if you consider yourself as a professional shameless cheater you might even pull your way through finals. You prepare yourself with a hell load of perspiration because you’re constantly worriedly conscious that you might get caught, all your wasted adrenaline instead of using to cram your books are erroneously utilized for cheating, you mentally abuse the great invention of daily technology today, you go against your own honesty and yet feeling great about yourself just because what you obtain is not what you deserve. 

Yet at the end of the day, you declare your glory just to gain admiration and awe from your so-called fellow followers who innocently respect and approve you for your granted mock-up triumph. Disgusting! 

Apparently not everyone can go against their honesty and those who are honest often find themselves discouraged to strive for something that can be easily achieved through incongruous, blatantly shameless, ingenious methods. 

Such a pathetic and sad pandemic.

Whatever it is, it will bring you no where further than your own shameful pit hole.

Hold Onto You

Cup that was given by Mike & Eelin,
I painted it with a phrase "I Love Awesome People"

There's always that few people in life that will make your life worth living for; 

hold onto them even if you're not sure how long they can hold onto you.

Sun Loves Biochemistry

Source of the things that motivated me:
Chrysanthemum tea made by Andongni
A prayer given by Catherine
Rabbit origami by Fiona
and the blazing summer sun

Exams, I cannot imagine how did I managed to cram the entire two semesters of Biochemistry into this filthy brain of mine; I don’t hate the subject just that it’s really tiring and straining to fully digest all these processes. Between glycolysis, glycogenolysis, gluconeogenesis… their cycles and structures are sufficient to terminate brain function. I was at the lowest peak of time for the entire week preparing for Biochemistry because I am not as ‘lucky’ as most people with insanely excellent class mark, no comments on that. 

Sometimes I wonder what is the point of studying if my class mark is impossible to get me a place of getting a 5 for a certain subject compared to those who ‘somehow’ managed to get their way through an average 90 and above for class mark. It’s discouraging; this system is entirely doltish and obtuse. People like it because they won’t flunk during exams but it does not entirely measure a students’ capability. My seniors have always been reminding me to study for your own sake and not others, it’s pressuring when people encourages me especially at some point when I am cognizant that I cannot achieve the target just because I do not want to let people down. Maybe our Malaysian education system has educated me to a level, which molded my mindset to a certain extend as a whole. 

Never learn, never grow.

Studying alone is a tough thing to do; serious studying makes me tired and unmotivated when I’m not around with people. My emotions fluctuate a lot sometimes when my roommate didn’t have the time to accompany me, proves how pathetically dependent I am towards people. Something that I really need to alter or else it will really ruin my study-mood. 

One last subject this Friday, Physiology. Hopefully there’s something for me to look forward to after finals.

Hitler Over Afternoon

Hot cocoa and marshmallows

Waffle in strawberry sauce and ice cream

I had a decent afternoon conversation, more of a formal confabulation with a best friend of mine at a nearby café’ just after Physiology. A mutual talk over a cup of hot cocoa soaked in semi-dissolved marshmallows, definitely not the best description but I should bother less about it. Nonetheless I was never meant to be a food critic of a food blogger like those that typically spread throughout the internet capturing every single mouth-watering orgasmic food photography that drives me insane especially when I take my half an hour study break past midnight.

I told Mike that I was Hitler within me, I partially posses the inane, schizophrenic, deranged of this icon. Adolf Hitler was known due to all the unforgivable, unfathomable evil he has caused during World War II, but let’s all put that aside. He isn’t entirely bad, and when I mention this; it does not mean that I am a Nazi supporter of any kind. Somehow I just noticed the infinitesimal resemblance in character between him and I. Hitler has always tried to make everyone the same, Arian. Which would create unity among his followers. But, he went about doing the wrong way. He found a great if not horrific form of population control.

Which is why I mentioned to Mike the other day, I simply cannot comprehend when it comes to dealing with people of different thinking and mindsets. Yes, I appreciate the entire diversity of a new spectrum, creativity and innovative thoughts that will flourish and nourish our hard-to-grasp future. But if it lies parallel to ‘my’ thinking, I simply relish you because you are better than me, little less of an idol but you will eventually gain my respect. But what if your opinions and outlooks totally diverged and it does not interlinked with my concept? You see the point where it drives me mad? That’s the exact point.

I cannot accept the fact that people have a mindset worst than a cow. Maybe that sounded a little rude, I shall rephrase. I am unable to tolerate with mindsets different from mind, and I will strive my very best to convince them and prove to them that they are wrong subconsciously after a series of debates which normally ended fast because I do not find them easy to obtain my thoughts. Just like Hitler, he believed that his master Aryan race needed to conquer all other races/sub-species of humans that he felt were impure as well as non-master race quality humans of the caucasoid sub-species. I just want people to think like me, not entirely or else it will be chaos but on the same side, as humans and not as cows.

Maybe I should start building real relationships with people and attempt to mold, shape, create them the way I want them to be; which is something that I sublimely do out of control and eventually drives people away. I assumed that it will occur that way, hence the best solution is to stick to my own sole island and travel across countries that have the same protocols as I have and build a nation across my own solid mind, deliberately.