Psycho

An artwork doodled during Psychology lecture, accompanied by Van Gogh quote.

“I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process." - Vincent Van Gogh

I really must thank my batch mates and CG family.

Sunday night my friends from hostel made me a chocolate ice cream cake, we ended up digging through the cake for 2 nights. Talking about sugar rush.

Tuesday night CG leader brought us for a treat of sushi at Yakitoria and I had another slice of tiramisu or something.

What must I say more? I love people around here, they made me feel like home. 

*****

A perfect end to my birthday, what’s left is a dreadful shopping spree that I’m desperate for.

Sushi

    Nothing better than sushi for dinner and great company.

Why Bother?

No idea what made me to be such a dunce, an ignoramus, worst than an imbecile, simply a moron. Contributions are meant to be done with a heart, I agree. I don’t do things unwillingly but certain situations obliged me to do so, despite how stifle or shoddy it is.

Not everything flows in parallel with one’s working pattern, certainly not mine. I enjoy doing things for people if it appears to be homogenous to what I intended to. I blamed myself for having a soft heart, not easily being able to stand up to decisions and in no doubt.. not being able to reject.

Yes, I’m the ass that will accept something  with immense hesitation and grudge and bleat or make a huge fuss about it from behind if I find myself not enjoy doing it.

Pretty much everyone will take it as: “You immature unavailing person!”

I failed badly when it comes to social and dealing with people and responsibilities, I choose which responsibility I want to bear.

I used to put into mind, just accept any job or responsibility given! I got not much of a talent, I'’m not as outspoken as half the world seemed to be since I don’t really give a damn about attention. Maybe I can learn a few things or two by doing this.

Certainly N-O!!!

I hate it when I’m given a task that I don’t enjoy doing it. Initially people can persuade you: “Hey can you help up with ….. You’ll be in charge.”

Oh yeah, total power. Self proclaimed omnipotent, I don’t mind then since I’m able to do things my way, suits my style of working and certainly I will enjoy it. Alas, less than 5 seconds I begin discussing and the so called ‘in charge’ was slit off and I find myself being a slave doing things according to other people’s ideas.

In short, hating doing it. Literally hate.

I used to disagree when people said “What’s the purpose to contribute so much? Why waste energy? Why waste time??” In my opinion, it wasn’t a waste of time, it’s a time for me to actually learn something, something to help me deal with people and handling responsibilities.

As shitty as it sounds, I was all wrong. Why do things that I’m unwilling of doing? Why do I even bother being the one behind everything with zero benefits?

Self note: This shall be the last.. The last! I got due dates by this weekend, so doomed.

Supportive Much?

It’s like a recurring sickness, a life cycle, a deplorable sequence only worst; not considerably worst since I avowed that it has been the ‘worst’ every time I fell into such mishap. Post cycle I convince myself, this shall be the last time shit like this happens but eventually… I reiterated over and over again.

“I’ve had it and I’m done with it"!” Bullshit 

There are several times that I feel okay, despite the piling work and pressure due to studies and there are times that outside factors that are literally not related to academics or social just keep pressing me, and forcing me to erupt into what I am now.

It’s not my nature and I obviously hate it.

I feel no connection or relation that I used to have with those that constantly gave me support or great words that bring me through every hurdle or hill. Now it’s just discouragement and daunt.

Don’t I deserve to do something I am passionate about? Yes I am pursuing a degree in healing which I am deeply contended about but part of me… still holds a deep fervency in art. Hence I begin baby steps of learning from friends everywhere, being inspired with their skills in graphic designing/art/painting and that they are being able to fully utilize and nourish this passion of them.

The only support that kept me going on, friends especially seniors like Xun Jin who really thought me a lot of designing and graphics, as well as other close friends that really appreciate the so-called talent I have.

People who can’t understand this will just shut down doors, making it so confining and stifling. Limiting this passion of mine.

“You should have gone to art school! You better think properly on what are you doing! Don’t waste your time doing things like this!”

It’s beyond awful, like a catapult into hell’s core. They just do not effing understand!

I appreciate for the support I currently have from friends, it really meant a lot to me but sometimes the support that you long for from certain people are the ones that you really need; yet they discourage you and build up endless dead ends that only stop your way.

No understand at all.

Worst

Day

Ever

.

Period

Пасха

Иисус воскрес! What a great way to greet everyone on this special day that our God is risen.

Bought some cottage cheese/chocolate topping raisin/dried apricots stuffed ‘kulich’ made specially for Easter only

My Russian teacher was asking us during Russian class:

“Do you know what we as Christians have to give as offering to God?”

…

“Well, God is the one that takes away all our sins and make himself as an offering to clean us.” 

Something that I assumed all of us know, but obviously took it for granted but yet He still stands strong beside us no matter what we did to Him. This is how great our God is.

20

Awesome friends celebrated my 20th birthday recently. The theme for the event was supposedly to be ‘Black & White’ but as you can see from the photographs we took… obviously its an epic failure.

Mike was working all night with his DSLR, hence his absence is explained.

Dennis was suggesting the  ^__^V  pose

Areena with the knife, not surprised at all. Noticed the knife? Yes, we asked for a knife for cut the birthday cake and that was what we got from the waiter…

… and a smeared face from cream thanks to Sharifah.

Chocolate cake that I got for my birthday :)

I wished for something like ‘Forever young’ for my birthday I think.. or something similar to that. That’s pure lie.

Happy feet

When everyone acts cute or so

Bloody cool

***

There’s an end to my birthday celebration with my awesome friends, I posted on Facebook. “Don’t be jealous if you have awesome friends, and I have the awesomest friends.” Just a note of appreciation how awesome my friends are.

Not forgetting, a note of appreciation to all the wishes I received from literally every corner on Earth.

Good Friday

"John 3:16 - The Story of Love" came from the movie Most (The Bridge), a beautiful Oscar-nominated movie and winner of many prestigios film festivals that tells the story of the close relationship between a bridge operator and his young son and the fateful day when both try to head off an impending rail disaster.

A steam train full of hundreds of passengers are unaware of the danger as they head towards an open drawbridge. When a desperate young woman witnesses an act of virtue beyond imagination, her life is forever changed.

This video is narrated by Reggie Dabbs through his sermon at Planetshakers Conference 2007. The message was inspirational that we decided to match it to the movie itself. Although throughout Reggie Dabbs sermon it appears that he's making reference to the video, we were absent from the conference and made our best effort to combine the sermon to the movie.

Good Friday, 18 minutes and 17 seconds of this short film shared by my many friends made my day.

Contain My Adoration

I wish to take a few minutes to steal away from everyone, just to unwind, loosen up and pacify. Just me and my puff pie filled with cherries.

I’m not a fan of cherries; owning this absurd yet comical thinking that cherries are berries that are forever jealous that strawberries are better than them. But some mornings, blissful mornings I stress… they taste better than strawberries. Delicate sweetness and a slight surprise of sparkling flakes of sourness to the palate.

Swiping through a list of albums just to soothe my ears, noticed the prints and minor scratches on my iPod screen; I’ve been the owner of it for more than 2 years.

It doesn’t diminish the functionality of this device, I’m still loving it. My music/entertainment almost every single morning on my way for classes.

Absolutely by Starfield, now that’s a great recommendation.

Jesus, you have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus, I am yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with you

15/4 Prayer

A prayer that I drafted on 15th April of year 2010, approximately a year ago. Still saved in my iPod for personal self reminder.

Make It Up As You Go

Blogpost title taken from Plan White T’s recent track

Had some baking with Lily & Jun for CG today, the negligent, heedless way of measuring despite googling every recipe from the internet… we ended with a fairly delicious chocolate cake.

Seriously, you cannot go wrong with melted chocolate as topping for literally every desert. 

Most anticipated thing whenever I visit Jun’s apartment every weakened for CG. I realised how humongous Russian cats are compared to the ones back home; and I have this habit of talking mandarin to every single animal I meet, i.e cats.

How to end a great Saturday? Placing some online orders, 2 episodes of Chuck, no studying…literally, an early nap before 12PM to anticipate Sunday J.E service. Bummer that I wasn’t in the mood of doodling.

Train Wreck

Anatomy [Oral Cavity] colloq

went smoothly after getting question card regarding soft palate and tongue.

Biology colloq

… didn’t performed perfectly well, since I ditched all the endless descriptions of diagnosis for every parasitic diseases during pre studying and realised questions include all the diagnosis for them. Variants here Balantidium coli, and after more than 20 minutes of brainstorming it struck me that my 2nd question was Trypanosoma cruzi.

Russian colloq

3 на русском может быть?

Anatomy [Digestive system] colloq – 17/04

20% in progress and less than 24 hours till exam.

Chemistry colloq – 20/04

No words to describe

***

… and I thought that I can actually have a life after I settled 3 colloq. They all just come in like a train wreck, worst than Armageddon. 

I'm in Here - Sia

Can you hear my call? Are you coming to get me now?

I’ve been waiting for you to come rescue me

I need you to hold all of the sadness I can not…

Live with inside of me

Low Rhythm

A season to whistle even when your shoes are full of lush, awaken and bright. It feels nice ambling as the cold wind puffs its way across your face.

Without grimace, scowl or glower.

I like to have my heart beating like a drum, guitar string to the strum with a beautiful song to be sung if I have a short tempo of rest.

To have ‘Rhythm of Love’ by Plan White T’s played low as I sipped away a mug of hot cocoa sums up a perfect day of Spring.

Challenge Yourself

Blurried 3.2 megapxel Bokeh effect in some restaurant after Russian class

I love it when every Christian is gathered together, somehow by some means I feel connected to them in this ambience under God’s humble abode. That’s what I like having J.E events here, I can embrace God’s presence and grow spiritually with everyone.

Inspired by one another, learning from each other. It’s something that I never really experienced back home.

Had Xun Jin to join us for CG yesterday, one of the question Kelvin asked everyone: "

“How are you going to challenge yourself ?”

I love drawing, I certainly love expressing myself through art and writing. It got me wondering whether J.E has it’s own website/blog or not.

I proposed, despite not being sure it can be managed or not… but I really do hope to set up an website/blog regarding what J.E has been doing these past years and upcoming years. I really want people to keep doing God’s work.

I jot down what I learned in J.E or CG sessions and illustrated them on paper just to get a full view on what I learned. Now challenge to self: To create an artwork at least once a month on things I learned from these services and to share them here on my blog.

It needs to start small before I can actually gather some buddies to make J.E’s personal blog a reality, which I aim to do so.

CG ended well with a great dinner with Xun Jin’s mutton curry.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

only a hand full of people know what I’m implying to, good enough.

Festival Of Praise

Last Saturday marks a really eventful day on my calendar. Gathered youths and everyone from different churches including around the area for praise and worship with the theme ‘The Heart of Worship’.

Great gathering and you could really feel God in the midst of everyone. My Saturday of reminding and appreciating what God has been doing in my life.

J.E family really changed my life so much, makes me love God even more.

A conjoined service that brought everyone together. Anticipating for more events such as this.

Anat colloq on muscles appeared to be much more easier than I had expected considering the little amount of preparation I had.

Latin was really screwed up, literally.

Histology, felt like I had wasted hours of Sunday night cramming since the outcome wasn’t as productive as I imagined and variants weren’t that complicated. In order to 'extend' the looks of my description regarding placenta, I mentioned that it can be expelled 30 minutes after giving birth.

As for tomorrow’s Chemistry on Carboxylic Acid, akin to these trees. Bare, naked and fruitless. Steps involving etherification can extend from 3 sentence till half an A4 sized page.

…and after tomorrow’s dreadful paper. I got a Russian poem to recite this upcoming Wednesday. Crap

Father of Creation

Father of creation
Unfold Your sovereign plan
Raise up a chosen generation
That will march through the land
All of creation is longing
For Your unveiling of power
Would You release Your anointing
O God, let this be the hour

Let Your glory fall in this room
Let it go forth from here to the nations
Let Your fragrance rest in this place
As we gather to seek Your face
Ruler of the nations
The world has yet to see
The full release of Your promise
The church in victory
Turn to us, Lord, and touch us
Make us strong in Your might
Overcome our weakness
That we could stand up and fight