Picture of a shattered window taken when I was in the tram on my way to morphological building
Just like how a rock shattered through a broken glass window,
I got smashed right in front of the face ”F A I L U R E”, it hit me real hard. Wondered why did I even bother to take up such pace .
Me, going down with a flu and truckload of stuff to study when I prefer to just hibernate all day long. Hot potato/onion soup with pepper seemed to make things better for now.
Gab shipped to Auckland a week ago, commencing 1st day of class today. Apparently bamboo is having phobias towards potatoes and substituting meat with cashew nuts.
Amy flying back to college to start Tamil lessons before flying to India this August, and she got her retainers on complaining all day that her speech sucks.
How random is this. Blame Histology, Latin & Russian History.
Winter creeps in unnoticed; before you even knew it, there you are changing your attires into thermal wears, extra hoodies, thicker scarf and winter coat. Such a stinging pain to waste another extra 10 minutes just to get yourself ready. I normally take around 20 minutes to get myself ready; at the moment, daily morning tooth cleaning takes around 10 minutes, bath another extra 15 minutes, dressing up adds up to another 10 minutes. All in all, I need more than half an hour just to get myself ready for classes/lectures.
Such a lazy bum, how I wish I could rot longer in my crib.
***
What do you reckon in doing things unwillingly?
Worst than a buffalo being dragged on the nose ring, results will be fatal if things are not done by the heart. Given not much of a choice but to accept it reluctantly just to ensure that your name doesn’t get smeared for the next 5 years or so. Being pinned with an unsatisfied product isn’t something meritorious.
That’s something that we see everyday, not every leader are possesses peerless leadership and simultaneously gain every respect from his comrades. I on this hand am buried in such an unpleasing condition, being pestered and annoyed around when given a task doesn’t only make me feel like quitting but also made me loss respect towards the leader himself.
Not implying any negativity, he’s just concerned I must admit but what can ‘concern’ do without any action and only creating pointless boisterous commotion?
Ranting helps a lot, nuff said.
It takes months or even weeks of preparation for a certain event but the real event may only last for several hours, what do I gain contributing so much in return? Nothing.
A rant from a selfish brat if you want to judge me.
***
I just realised how unrelated my heading is in order to begin this post, the stupefying effect of three asterisk signs “ *** “
Certain kinds of mistakes are grounds for rescinding a contract; others are not. We tend to make mistakes at the most unwanted times, maybe they’re not classified as mistakes… just a sudden urge of indecisive commitment made without going through adequate scrutiny and meditative.
At the end of the day, you’ll end up like me with a broken mind regretting being so keyed up in handling responsibilities not because you’re willing to do it but just to puff out and to show what are the only things you can handle.
Given a task, I’ll take it free hand without hesitation. Why? Because it’s mainly the only thing I’m good at, maybe the only forte. To prove to others that I’m good… as a matter of fact really good at it; it’s just to force out some creative juices out to show others what my talent is.
If not, maybe I’m a nobody, piece of junk, clutters with bric-a-brac.
Unnoticed, insignificant.
You can say that I want a slight attention and a word of praise, common’ everyone deserves to be adored and respected once in a while. However, it requires proper steps and not by making sudden absurd urges which ended up in a dead pool.
This brat is sometimes too smart in handling things for the wrong manner, big mistake.
-27 degrees winter, Mike & I took a crazy route to the wild and extreme by touring along Volga river which was estimated to be less than –30 degrees. The wind was harsh and blustery with an alliance of frosty, frigid winter.
Isolating from the hectic, mundane life of studying and doing regular things that burdened me down, a long stroll in the midst of this gelid winter is exactly what I need.
I like to feel the bones and structures of it; the loneliness, it’s sinew to a whole new experience of refreshment and enliven. Waking up the lamented piece of slain cerebellum of my brain.
![\](http://lh5.ggpht.com/_hM3iz69aqu8/TWV8aRjuiDI/AAAAAAAAEjU/uQFmdyXZrdc/22022011247_thumb%5B3%5D.jpg?imgmax=800 "\")
The view was magnificent; no words can utter or describe. Once again amazed by nature’s course and what God can create. Tedious movement of snow; fasts, and weeps, and shrouds herself in sables.
When listening to cracking ice, and watching over raging deep Prussian blue sea; makes you wonder how decayed can this world be. As pirouetting snow dies in the ocean; what lies beneath, is just an unfolding story never told waiting for discovery.
It was a hard time shooting pictures in this jarring, raucous weather, tried with a digital camera but the battery died instantaneously leaving me no choices but to use a pathetic 3.2 megapixel phone.
Struggling as I need to reheat and stuff my numbed fingers into pockets after taking every single picture. Mike on the other hand endeavoring it with his DSLR.
-27 degrees and it was all worth it.
I guess life cycle changes an individual in a shocking drastic matter, like how I added an entirely new genre of music to my iTunes. Behold, 4 albums of gothic/rock music from ‘Kalafina’ & ‘The Birthday Massacre”.
Good stuff, more like a renew on how life make amends to one’s life. It’s not always sunny and jolly, the light has it’s limits to let darkness take over once in a while.
I guess I’m too used to some lecturers or professors not being professional enough, it’s university… you don’t expect them to spoon feed you like how teachers did in secondary school. Or was I wrong from the start…
From calculating hereditary problems in Human Genetics and answering weekly oral questions in Anatomy, too used to the cramming. Adaptation takes time bitterly, some fries might help a lot.
Sem 2 requires me to take up some really unavailing subjects like Math, Psychology & Russian History. History & Psychology may be fun but Math? Haven’t touched numbers since a year ago and I got a some teacher who literally doesn’t teach.
Well..
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By the way, it sucks having 5 hour time difference from Malaysia, 9 hour time difference from NZ, 7 hours time difference from Melbourne, 12 hours time difference from Seattle & etc etc.
It takes such a long time replying Facebook comments just cause’ we can’t get an intersection. Let’s get ourselves iPhones & Blackberries.
Is this a part of growing up that my sudden contemplation of introspection tends to narrow down to an extend that it inversely smacked my own self-realization, unknowingly?
The way I look on my place, steadily zooming out as if I’m looking from outside the universe and peering down into earth onto my self individual being. Adjacent slowly gets minute as I zoom out further from the galaxy, space, matter…
An unforeseen thought, wondering how did others handle things that well… in simply not bothering or rather pay less attention towards things that are self-proclaimed non-directly to them personally.
Imagine a world filled with people isolating themselves, with no extrospective scrutiny. Shunning themselves away from others, blindfolded just so that they pay less attention about their surrounding. How mundane, dusty and forsakenly abandoning everything that stimulates the slightest curiosity in them.
However, I think it’s best for me to shift position to such realm.
It maybe not comfortable at first but everything needs sometime to get used to it, true?
I’m reluctantly accepting the fact that being an introvert means growing up, a theory that I carried on as a burden long time ago back in high school; until I realized how straining it was after certain incidents which I compel myself not to rediscover.
The omnipotent, fearless and sturdy, is that what makes someone a grown up?
He who keeps all to himself, the one that has an invincible defensive shield. People tend to look upon him as a leader, a premier with secure to tell their problems.
Maybe I need to start building up a barrier, try to be opaque after such a long time; I seemed too affluent in being myself. Being our own self, either a boon or a bane.
Self note: Start keeping stuff to myself, it’s a part of growing up to swallow every bitterness down.
A shuttlecock that I got online for a dear friend, Eelin Tan on Valentine’s Day, a really good female friend of mine. Thought that it would be a great gift since she’s Sabah/VSMU badminton player.
Credits to Mike for the shoot with his DSLR.
A season of so called love, spent with my beloved Chemistry books and Anatomy. Done it all with passion and warmth, truly, madly, deeply [no wonder it’s difficult to write porn, how on earth did they even get the words and adjectives right?] Stereoisomerism versus joints of lower limb, it’s really hard to choose which I love the most.
Delivered chocolates to some of the girls in the hostel, Mike’s idea though. As I came out from Min Xin’s room some Indian lady voiced out directly at me: “WHY YOU DIDN’T GIVE ME CHOCOLATES!”
There’s still a huge portion of people in this world, desperately wanting to fall in love or at least have a certain someone in life; serious or not… doesn’t matter. I mean, look at the age at teenagers having sex nowadays?
An embryo bearing an embryo.
[and who said that love is sex?!]
Taylor Swift made it all clear how fairy-tale-like love is, as a matter of fact… her entire album made a clear point how love is supposed to be. Innocent and ends with happy endings :) bullshit
Packed over 30 packets of chocolates and done some love notes alongside with Valentine’s Day special in J.E. Great way to practice my skills in doodling some vintage art.
Valentine’s Day, a day to express love and show your appreciation to a love one. Hence, start loving and appreciating.
С Днем Св. Валентина
Valentine’s Day, a day to show our appreciation towards love. ‘Bullshit!’ as some will retort, or else why would there be the launching of anti-Valentine’s Day campaign last Friday by The Malaysian Islamic Development Department (Jakim).
Apparently JAKIM also invited 1,000 students from higher learning institutes to participate in the discourse, flyers and banners were hung in colleges and university.
Yes, this is how love is shown by certain plots of citizens in Malaysia.
‘Valentine’ drew some connection to St. Valentine, hence related to Christianity and JAKIM claimed that this celebration is not supposed to be celebrated by Muslims, and since Christian elements are both mixed with immoral acts (and) are prohibited by Islam that clearly contradicts the belief, Sharia and Islamic morality.
Familiar much? Dots dots dots
To suggest that Valentine’s Day is observed by Christians is unfair and misleading, what more to say that it’s immoral. How is appreciating love immoral?
… and how is Valentine’s Day which is NOT related to Christianity… IMMORAL simultaneously.
Do the math, even a market’s pork shank can do better.
***
I was pleased with all the Valentine’s Day gifts everywhere, people dressed as cupids in shopping malls and clubs promoting Valentine’s Day special, or was it the stripper club?
Anyways, it was all good. Our ways of expressing love and appreciation to the ones we love.
Alas, thanks to some people Valentine’s Day will be another mundane, archetypal day in Malaysia.
Thursday is somehow a stress-free day, the only day unfortunately to take a short breath which is slightly longer than usual frenetic weekdays. Russian & physical training, wonder why I need these 2 subjects to complete my credits in med school.
Managed to skype with parents to pour out the gripe but like what most of my friends said:
'”Better not tell anything, make your parents worried only like as if they can do anything. Might as well pour out everything to a friend.”
True indeed.
Searching for air flights are such a pain in the arse. 2nd semester will most probably end around 9th July, roomies and I along with Eelin decided to take our summer vacation to Vienna & Prague just like what we did when we travel around St.Petersburg last summer.
S7 offers flight from Moscow to Vienna, from Vienna to Prague by bus. Initially our plan was to take a flight from Prague back to Kuala Lumpur but prices are immensely expensive I might need to sell a kidney. Hence, decided to take a round way bus ride from Prague back to Vienna and take a flight from there… which requires to have transit in Berlin.
This point, we started wondering… ‘Hey! Why not visit Berlin also???’
*Face palm* This cycle continues with a major migraine.
Grocery shopping with Eelin & Mike in search for pork and this shank caught my attention ‘rabbit’s meat’. Amy, don’t freak out!
There’re tropical fruits like rambutans and mangosteen is Russia too! 599 rub/RM60 per kilo of BLACK rambutans and 759 rub/RM76 per kilo of mangosteen.
Slit throat just to have a bite of rotten tropical fruit, thank God there’re berries, kiwis and bananas everywhere.
You’d never expect something beyond the extraordinary to happen, but there are times when things just go b-a-m right in front of your face. Bitterly, we just have to swallow everything down whether we like it or not.
It’s called accepting and learning to deal with it either way, no matter how much we loathe it.
I always keep a note to myself, ‘no matter how unpleasant my situation is, there are bound to be those who are in some place worst than me’.
Hence, learn to accept it and appreciate.
Missing all the regular things that I do, like doodling, reading a good book or even lying on my bed watching a really good movie. Simple spare time activities are so hard to grab on, I’m beginning to realize the consequences of getting myself in med school.
Exactly what most people say ‘NO LIFE’
It’s slowly beginning to come into sight vaguely as the days pass by. But what’s most important, no regrets! This brat has a dream to catch and a future he wants to change.
Thanks for going through my ups and downs with me along this way, despite many differences we still kept out friendship on solid ground.
Indeed a friend that I cherish a lot.
Happy Birthday Eelin Tan
Patience is really intolerable especially when shit happens; nevertheless thanks to some people understand and gave me the right pat at the right moment.
I’m just in need for my silver lining behind all the grey clouds.
4 days of holiday was unexpectedly productive, I finally played pool for the very first time after being coaxed by Areena. 3 days straight of pool with the awesome batch mates.
Apparently I could only play against Sharifah since it was also her first time playing it; now I’m starting to wonder how depressing my social life was back in secondary school.
By the way, we went off earlier to get her a pair of new UGG boots since her previous one was stolen; literally.
We had air hockey and arcade as well, nothing better than to play with kid’s game like shooting zombies on a huge low quality pixel arcade machine.
This is what DSLRs can do that what normal digital cameras can’t, and a million thanks to Mike for allowing me to play around his Nikon despite the fact that I’m complaining that all the shutter speed, aperture, lens being customized manually is more or less similar to algebraic for a noob like me.
Nevertheless, photographs turned out really good and maybe I’ll consider getting one of my own in the future.
You don't like it in the shadows.
You won't let me shine a light.
I would wash away your troubles,
But it seems - the more that I hold on,
The more that you let go, and I know -
You better let somebody love you,
Or find yourself on your own.
Best Laid Plan – James Blunt
A moment is just what I need, a moment to desperately clear my mind off things. I was suffocating, asphyxiated by all the emotions and deplorable thoughts gushing through my mind.
The notions that made me loose track of myself. The feeling of sinking.
Sometimes we tend to loose track on those tiny & minute things that revolved around us. Ignorance or just simply forgetting it unintentionally.
A great dinner with roomies is the best remedy. Though we’re living less than a meter from each other but we never come across a meeting point of intersection whereby we can settle down and dine together.
Fine dining accompanied with hot brewed coffee simply assembled myself back together in one piece again.
Exhaustion kicking in most of the time, fatigue and midget-sized headache that I blamed it on a bottle of liquor I had the day before. It’s the holidays, a pathetically short 4 days which is soon about to end by Sunday, then it’s back to a brand new torturing uni student life on Monday.
Timetable for the next semester was all in all loathsome, odium and must detestation. Classes from early morning till late evenings, and when I mentioned ‘late’… it’s in truth late, CAPITAL LATE plus CAPITAL BOLDED LATE.
No wonder most doctors like my dermatologist back home mentioned that 1st year of med school is going to a real pain. Just to make sure that I’m safely rooted on a positive side, our summer holidays will be slightly longer than most seniors.
Talking about summer holidays vacations, mission trips! I foresee myself along with my roomies in Prague, Vienna or Germany and even Rome, which we procrastinated and haven’t jot down a solid decision yet.
Blogger server has been down for 2 days, no idea what’s more infuriating than that! Wait, there is actually more… news regarding suicidal bombs in Moscow airport and the absurd riots happening in Egypt. Noticed how misleading human beings can be?
Some of my seniors are even stuck somewhere in the midst of chaos, irksome and the fact that disaster is spreading like wild flower across the nation drives me nuts.
Holidays are meant to be rotting, I’m really enjoying the fact of lying on my bed facing my Macbook watching series and movies thanks to bloddy high internet speed for hours, like sleeping as ‘early as 5 or 6AM’ and waking up at 2 or 3PM in the afternoon.
I’m lovin’ this life.
I’m planning to do something productive like doing some ‘winter cleaning’ on my severely abused messed up closet, table and bed. Or read up more stuff on Photography since Mike’s DSLR is less than a meter away from me, maybe considering getting one within a year or two?
Let’s see where this drives me to.
2 straight days of pool, 2 straight days of steamboat, 2 straight days shopping spree, and I’m sensing for more with batch mates.
A game of pool after we got our first sem winter exam results, spicy chicken & four flavoured cheese pizza and a hasty shopping from TOPMAN summed to a great afternoon with fellow batch mates.
Steamboat by night, liquor till dawn and a game of truth and dare when some of us were at somber state thanks to alcohol.
Happy Chinese New Year
Oriental vegetables with chicken
Caronara spaghetti
Barbequed pork chunks
Tea
Cappuccino
The eve of Chinese New Year was celebrated with fellow roomies, Dennis & Mike. Of course it was nothing compared to celebrating this festive celebration back home with family, but I had a great skype conversation with parents and grandparents.
Contended as I am far away from home.
It’s a good feeling knowing that God is standing beside each and everyone you love :)
