2011, You Have Taught Me Well

“Happy New Year”, a phrase mentioned accompanied with a handshake or a hug despite whether they’re from a friend, close friend or random acquaintances. Not forgetting to mention crowds of drunken Russians in all their fancy hats and girls competing on who has the shortest skirt or most expensive fur coat wilding in public. Uncanny that I was not entirely enthusiastic about the ending of 2011 merely, but definitely not as keen and fervent as everyone else scattered all around mother Earth. Maybe it's because I'm mentally thinking that my new year starts similarly as my semester in med school, September instead of January because winter exams are ruining the fun and spirit of the New Year. 

The countdown was not as fancy as the ones back home; it was more of a mini Malaysian gathering when we bumped into one another for countdown. I am clued into the fact that I’m not really an outgoing person especially when it comes to large crowds with suffocated by breaths of the many and shrills and shouting for the New Year, hence I stoned in the hostel last year. This year was different apparently, decided to take a walk outside after a casual dinner at Jun’s place which finally lead me to witnessing the countdown with a bunch of friends.

How much does it take for one to fully utilize and enjoy 365 days annually? Does it really take one to set resolutions which we are bound to break? Often we set certain accomplishments yearly, doing the archetypal but seriously resolutions and goals can be set anytime of the year. Hence, I recite to not setting them in my last post of 2011 because I believe that better of go with the flow and whatever life gives us, I'll take it with open arms and whatever roads and bumps I face ahead of me, I'll make sure that I'm in perfect condition to jump over it. 

I never stop to feel frightened to see the days passed so quickly, just to have that thought itself consumes several minutes. To see the giant ‘1’ being stroke out from the calendar, replacing it with a 2. I have grown beyond this transition state as the months were added.

Taken back in April 2011 during spring camp 

I’ve always underestimated the value of being appreciated and supported, honestly. 2011 taught me, through a wonderful circle of members where God has placed me to grow up with, spiritually. I started taking up an interest that I never thought of being interested in – Media. The usual handling of projectors, slide transitions, video making, designing and a bit of decoration. But what are behind all this, is the amazing people that have taught me so much; friends like Dr. Xun Jin& my really good buddy Clez especially. Here and there, I’ve pick up a lot along this trail. Being so supportive in this field that I find passion at, the support that not everyone can gain from close friends or even parents.

I learn to start putting more faith in God, to maintain this special relationship with the one up there. I once shared this during cell group that in a Christian life, apart from faith and hope, what's most important - Growth. We say that we grow as we walk along with God, but how much did we actually grow? In pico-meters? Nanometers? It doesn't matter . I never realized how important this ‘growth’ can be when a very close friend mentioned to me that she is somehow ‘moved’ and motivated by the way I deal with God, the way I put a certain amount of faith in doing God’s works. That she, decided to start picking up a habit in her own religion as well. It’s an immense feeling of unspeakable chain of words to actually be an exemplar and inspiration to those around you especially when they are of different religion. Unknowingly, I have again… took a leap forward.

Bowling session, taken around late spring of 2011 

Not forgetting a bunch of batch mates that I owe my thanks to, regardless that we skip lectures to meet up, regardless that we don't interact as much as our group mates, regardless that we might walk on different levels of friendship. Little by little, we share the same dream and goals to be better doctors in the future. I've trained myself to have better mindsets, I've learned to stop comparing myself to those around because it's an infinite tiresome 'workload', those that are better than you are everywhere. But I've also become competent in appreciating the effort of those friends around me who have shared their knowledge when it comes to studies.

Taken on the night before New Year's Eve

It was an entire contrastive scenario, one can live alone facing 4 empty walls in secondary school and make it alive with a handful of As. University & batch mates, that's when I realized that being alone, being selfish leads one to no where. Indeed, those who share will, in one way or another gain more than those who keep hold onto everything to him/herself. Group 29 mates who has been along with me during my studies in Russia. All the drama we shared, all the mindless gibberish talks, all the intellectual debates summed up to a fabulous year; and hopefully more to come in the future.

MF Mission Trip to Sibu

2011, I decided to participate in the humanitarian mission trip organized by Malaysian Fellowship, Moscow to Sibu. To give, serve & love, as it is, a brand new experience of temporarily migrating from the urban city to those rural areas where vehicles are hardly accessible. To notice the innocence of children in the rural areas of Sibu, to grasp their lives and education and simultaneously be grateful of what I have that I’ve always take for granted of, to mingle with the local people and experience their warmth though it may only be a half an hour flight from my hometown. All in all, MF mission trip has thought me how to take flight from my own comfort zone and be in others’ shoes.

I remembered a scene of an elderly with glaucoma or something related, begging, literally in tears begging with hope for us to save her from what she’s going through. Not many people have the opportunity to have their wish granted; certainly she was one of the unlucky ones. This elderly has taught me to care for more [even if it sounds cliché], and have compassion for others.

Taken in Salzburg, summer of 2011

Many individuals will cross your path, some will stay, and some will go. All had their purpose as you did in their lives. A true friend is one who knows you inside out and no matter how far geographically, in which latitude you are lodged at. These people have seen the best of me, and also the worst of me. It took me a while to find them, but trust me; I am lucky to be one of the lucky few to have these two buddies like Mike & Eelin as my soul friends because not everyone are as fortunate as me. I thank them for being there in my best and at my very worst, when I mentioned worst means it was a real hell of shit I went through.  

Family portrait taken late autumn of 2011

They have watched me grow to become who I am today. I learned not to hold on to friends, but to let friendship take its course. If a friendship ends, I am grateful for the time and move on. If I end a friendship to keep my life clear from negative influence, I am grateful for whatever that person taught me. My dear sis, Lily who somehow.. just somehow, clicked with me and shared an understanding that no one can possibly ever share with. Family, I love you. 

2012, let's see where you will take me this time.

'Fingering'

Here's a really conversation that I stumbled upon during Histology lecture, could not be bothered to censor the abhorrent language.

S: *Showing the annoying 'peace' sign with a vast smile* [you know the regular 'V' sign performed by our grooming and middle finger, here's a visualize version ^__^V]

A: "S stop showing that annoying 'peace' sign."

S: *'Peace' sign intensifies* 

A: "I swear if you continue to show that 'peace' sign I'm going to fucking cut your fingers and shove them into your asshole."

Genius, who on earth would ever have such ludicrous to think of such thing. Simply impressed, mortified and hilarious to the core half the lecture hall laughed their butts off the floor.  

Caricatures

Top from left: Sis, Cheryl, Mike, Eelin. Bottom from left: Jo, Jun

From a different angle, pictures taken by Mike with his DSLR 

A finger full of caricatures 

Mini sized

I doodled a couple of caricatures for Christmas the other day, just a random few people who I really thank for being in the part of my life. Jo & Cheryl especially being really nice buddies during cell group, Mike & Eelin my true friends since I landed in this foreign land and Lily & Jun being my sisters always taking care of me. A tiny token to my loved ones. 

Sweeter Christmas

Marinated beef, bacon, mushrooms, onion rings and cabbages 

Teppanyaki instead of the regular roasted turkey   

Mike & his DSLR 

Sis in her PJs 

Host for the night 

The only heart shaped cookie I managed to make 

Cookies in random shapes and sizes with pink and green icing sugar 

Zen. What I assembled with the remaining cookies 

Christmas. A chain of events that summed up to a fantastic celebration of the birth of Jesus. First I had caroling session with cell group members in the hostel; apparently it attracted more international students other than Malaysian students themselves. Then headed to Jun's place for dinner with the family, it's sad that the numbers decrease as the years passed. Gathered till 2.30AM and the three of us Lily, Mike and myself walked back home in the night streets as Christmas approached. 

No white Christmas, no family, no home-cooked meal; but it's okay, because what I have now is more blessed than ever.   

Pardon Me, Walk

Twigs taken as I walked down Volga river

The city, all the hustle and bustle, through the eyes of a high-flying night bird, we take in the scene from mid air. We’re being engulfed by this life of ours, in our broad sweep, the city looks like a single gigantic creature — or more like a single collective entity created by many intertwining organisms. Countless arteries stretch to the ends of its elusive body, circulating a continuous supply of fresh blood cells, sending out new data and collecting the old, sending out new consumables and collecting the old, sending out new contradictions and collecting the old. The cycle continues and us being the victim rotting within this suffocating life of ours.

Misty, foggy afternoon right after Russian class

I took a stroll down the foggy morning, oblivious. It was a simple stroll down with my best friend while the peak of activity passes, maybe taking baby steps to dwindle down our basal metabolism that maintains life. For once I felt that I have balanced out my life pretty well, temporary though.

A random lake or pool, these two sounds similar to me

So, do you guys think like me? The urge, desperation and unreleased exhort to find peace. It's nothing Ghandi-influenced or random self mediation with black balloons, but a momentous pondering on changing tracks and roads. What ifs? When nothing seemed to change and what's worst... when nothing is going to change? No, not many people waste their time bothering about this because they prefer to leave life as it is, not even aspired to take a few milliseconds off just to wonder.

Something that I always thought that will only appear during summer

Maybe it's an alternative way of releasing tension and pressure of not being to enjoy life, or another way of feeling envious that more than a quarter of the people around me are having so much fun. It's like as if their lives are stressless and not induced by a single dose of pressure. Even if present, it will something pathetically minute from my perspective but to some, it seemed like a magnified armageddon. That is the point I know that this brat has really... really grown up. 

Friends We Used To Have

I remembered how we used to have a capacious range of colloquy or clambake from anything to everything. There has always been this person, well if you are fortunate to have this one person that you somehow felt disconnected all of a sudden. Things were going well, until a certain point when it transformed from a brashly brewed friendship to something deeper than mild but abruptly gone tasteless and diluted. Not the best ways to describe a situation but pardon me for my lack of vocabularies and dramatic turmoil to pull out a sketch. 

I found a pattern on how friendship works, one of those eureka moments as I was showering thinking and pondering off simultaneous other than the habitual shower. Once you successfully started a friendship with a friend and if providentially things go well between you two no matter whether this friend is of the same or opposite sex, you will proceed to phase two; a friendship but with deeper meaning to it. There’s a thing called ‘tolerance’, the level differs from one to another. If you are one of those individuals with a wide range of tolerance then you will have no problem at all, literally to mix with different forms of homo sapiens lingering on the surface of mother Earth. A good example, my very own biologically father who mixes with people from all walks of life; me on the other hand, a total opposite. I’m a self proclaimed, self-cognizant, semi-more-than-three-quarter anti-social brat. 

Back to the topic of phase two, once the ‘tolerance’ level kicks in… we tend to filter better than the glomerulus of our kidneys. Those with certain behaviors, personalities, thoughts, mindset and anything related to that matter of subject that are acceptable within our ‘tolerance’ level, shall be also be bearable and auspiciously being acceptable by our body. In other words, we tend to be a little more observant, our pupils dilate more effectively and somehow signals begin to transmit more clearly. We start to see more sides of people and their true colours and their attitudes or behavior might not be in par as what we normally do. This automatically creates a gap between us, it maybe a boon or a bane. A boon that we are aware of this person’s true self and decide whether to take any further steps or not; a bane that if somehow this person continues to be in different mindsets or show any sort of manners that we dislike and regrettably break the bond of friendship between us two. 

Sometimes I do regret but the awkwardness is inevitable, you will only bumped into that particular person and utter to yourself monotonously and sigh, “we used to be such good friends but…”

Daylight Dough

Pig & mouse

My creation - money bag. Typical Taurus 

Curry puffs just because I'm too good in making them

Winter solstice celebrations used to be celebrated at home, the normal helping my grandmother to make glutinous rice balls tradition since I was a child in pre-school. Attended the one in Hiroshima hostel last week so a few of us gathered together to make our very own as well. However, it turned out to be making dough models since smartarse poured a tad too much of hot water and accidently cooked the dough. Eureka moment and hence a brand new innovative invention.

I finally found a brand new purpose of my digital camera, yes it takes really shitty grainy images with noise; however it shoots decent candid recordings.   

Freshman Party

Another video with the help from my buddy Clez and a bunch of really sporting juniors; I had a hard time tweaking around Adobe After Effects, gave up in the end and shifted to iMovie instead. Here's a real good damn reason why I need my own DSLR. 

Side note: Please watch in HD

Mistletoe

Kostya, Katya & Alicia

Annette, Cheryl & Unmil 

Cynthia, Alicia

"Twelve Days Of Christmas" by members of Catholic church 

Performance by Polytech hostel 

1st Year juniors with their dance 

Russian Youth 

Media Boss, Jyh Chyang 

Brat working on his Macbook Pro 

Clez & his solo "Better Man"

Grandpa Jo

Jun & I 

Blanket stealer 

The amazing organizer behind this event, Cheryl Chee 

Pink ranger, hence I paired up as red ranger as well 

One of my true best friend, Eelin 

Media buddy, Clez who worked side by side in every JE event 

Pretty sis

God always have His ways to make the impossible, possible; and even better... by making the possible, magnificent. Especially for our Jesus Embassy (JE) recent event: Freshman Party/Christmas Bash 2011. Through weeks of preparation and a new church building, by God's grace things went out smoothly. I like the way how JE does things, our leaders put so much faith in us, constantly encouraging one another in order to pull out something amazing. Despite the fact that we might feel discourage or dead struck facing a flat wall with no inspiration, personally it was those desperate times when I'm dying for an inspiration to create a video or designing invitation cards, posters or anything related to media. I'm grateful to have these amazing seniors in JE that put so much trust and support when it comes to media. As I looked back, indeed I have grown much throughout the years in serving JE. 

In fact, it has always been the one and only association where I find myself fully utilizing my talents, ideas and skills and being appreciated at the same time; it's archetypal when one is given a responsibility, the initial phase turns out well but on the way you will end up being obliged to listen to others' ideas or at least being 'interfered' and gets your enthusiasm demolished and finally end up not liking what you're doing. Been there, suffered from it.  

Behind all the events, a team which I somehow find myself working with - Media Crew. A new series of sound system, heaps of tangling wires & equalizers, projectors and cables connection. All these behind a front screen just so that the audience can enjoy a perfect night. Media is something that not many people will pay attention to, until a mistake occurs. When sound systems are not working well enough, when microphones aren't functioning, when projectors fail to show the right pixels, when sound is not equalized. The learning process is endless, from Adobe Photoshop to Adobe After Effects to Final Cut Pro softwares which I am... currently still a noob at. When Xun Jin was here, he used to be the one a 'standard-meter'; the great satisfaction when your work is published to the audience to view and the feeling when you are encouraged and most importantly... being appreciated by many.

I've constantly tell myself, there is too much life has to offer and there is an abundant of things for us to learn out there. One of the motivational talk given by a very good buddy of mine, Clez that day was about 'Focus'. I started to apply what I can learn from others, JE band, the ever best, spontaneous, public speaker ever Mr. Akin/President himself and many others. To focus on what I enjoy doing, doing in the name of JE, in the glory of God. Tiny & minute but little by little I promise that I'll make everyone proud someday.

God, you have no idea how grateful I am for all the new things that You have taught me.  

Side note: Photographs taken by Mike, using Clez's DSLR, uploaded by me. Talking about working together when each of us has a handful of responsibilities to handle for the night.

Despo

Desperation, what can one comment on that? To evaluate a term that manifest or being cognizant of with the things around me, situations from anything to everything can be fit with this particular terminology. Desperate because our brains fail to control our emotions, driving one haywire or lost. I find it amusing to see this around me, to see some people trying so hard till their grip overwhelms what is intended to reach. Once you loose one, you find another substitution and have a session of pathetic monotony thinking that it's their lost for not being your possession. The truth is that one does not even have the rights to claim anything their so-called initial property when one's idea to own it backfires.

Maybe some of us do not have the courage nor do we have the bravery to embrace such gush and sudden push, because we have so much considerations and we claim them to be 'rational' thoughts. It's tricky to debate on two situations when I've comfortably positioned myself in this 'rational' stand here. Against all theories that emotions control the human brain, logically and depends on situation to avoid looking piteous and drastically anguished and desperate. It creates an atmosphere where everyone is uncomfortable because their every actions are so obvious that people around them pity of what he/she is doing due to the fact that we, so called rational people are incapable of doing because self value is more vital. 

So, to be desperate or not to be one? 

Christmas Bash 2011

Designed by this brat

See you there this Saturday!

Anchor

I decided to participate in the impossible; requesting a friend of mine on simple tutorial of making a paper rose. A really nice origami which until the present day... is still an impossible to me. Foldings are very much intricate and perplexing, but results are really impressive.

Behind all my past origami, the expert

By the way, I have YET to produce my very own origami of a simple rose. Compared to sketching and my regular doodling, origami is another form of art... only in 3D form.

iPod Touch lock screen background

3 colloquiums, Physiology done, Biochemistry due on Monday and Anatomy this upcoming Thursday. Just survived cervical plexus & brachial plexus and I've got less than a week to cram the entire peripheral & sympathetic/vegetative nervous system. Best pre-Christmas presents I've ever received. Winter exam in less than 2 months time and as I searched though my brain, it seemed that I've learnt nothing for the past few years in med school. Desperately begging that it's only partial paranoia manipulating my self conscious. 

Colour Pencils

Inspired by a handful of colour pencils used during Histology class, was sketching oviducts and ovaries under a light microscope when it struck my mind to snap one of those photographs similar to those shared in tumblr blogs.   

Fly Alone