依见一玲

Birthday girl, Eelin Tan

It seems different since the very first year I know you. You were wearing a national sports jacket labeled ‘Sabah’ on the very first day we met in the airport on our way to med school in this mother land of Russia, all high and mighty as I judged this sports woman; no doubt… because this friend of mine happened to be Malaysia’s number 8 in badminton. I didn’t expected that we would be such good friends, great friends in fact. Opportunities like months of disabled during 1st year created chances for me to literally root myself in your room just to free-load the internet, that is when we started to get closer. Not forgetting the endless movie nights we had, crying soberly in front of a laptop screen over Cantonese series [okay, that was obviously you]. The exchange dinner meals we had among each other and you criticizing my appallingly disappointing lack of skills mingling with food in our hostel kitchen. I can slowly list down and recall back all the minute details of things we share together one by one but that would be endless. 

I decided to take my Saturday night off to ponder on the things I learnt from this best friend of mine. You’re definitely one of the strongest girl I have met in life, all the hardships you have encountered throughout these years have really made me realized how much you’ve grown into a real woman day by day. From a girl who cried over a missing handkerchief to someone who has gained so much maturity, I find myself getting the most promising consoles from you when I’m down with an obstacle that is tough to overcome because I know that you will always be there for me and for this, I am truthfully grateful. 

Despite the infinite amount of times I tease you from every single corner, you know that I still deeply cherish you as my lovely friend. Lots of love from me.

MN Teaser 12

Spent 3 days of hand drawing, recording and editing on this video with a really awesome media buddy, for the recent Malaysian Night 2012. 

独处

“独处，也是一种成长过程。要学会如何独处，同时也要学会如何与人相处。” 

好友的一番话。 

看来是时候习惯自己一个人了。不想习惯有人陪，因为要是习惯有人陪；就会担心有一天可能会失去那个人。如果不去拥有，就不用想念，想念是很痛苦的。

Stroll Companion

Americano

Kid & pizza

Margarita

Pasta

Chicken chop

Best companion

Took a Saturday night stroll to clear my mind off things and ended up with a dinner with two of my best buddies, guess these are the people I turn to the most when I need to lash out some riotous, gibberish thoughts bugging my mind. Funny how people can accept my weirdness in certain ways, makes me realised that there are some people worth caring for.

An end to weeks of streaks of colloquiums and tests. Now to rest and trying to be a normal kid. Weeks of emotional train wreck until I can merely restore myself to trust the same person ever again because in the end, all you think is the immense regret that you're dealing with.

Words are too cheap, all the bullshit and false hopes. Pizza and pastas are worth more.      

"Thank you for caring for me."
This has to be the nicest thing someone has ever said to me for today

Simple To Be Happy

Some simple, intricate things that can make me happy at the moment:

1. A good loyal mug of coffee or milo without hyperventilating metaphorically to chase after time for hospital attachments. 

2. A good 24 hour of outing-free, nothing but just lazing around on my bed stoning with dramas of my preference. 

3. Decent book, those which I can flip physically and not any dodgy eBook of Nicolas Sparks or James Patterson.

4. Internal peace of mind which I'm lacking and desperate for it. 

5. Reminders from a friend or two as I'm constantly taking them for granted that they never care. 

6. Not to worry and be concerned of financial status, highly impossible but I would love to someday in the near future. 

7. Fruitful conversation with a close friend from a different field, which reminds me how much I've miss my American friend. 

8. Sleep. Deep adequate, serene and quiet sleep is all I need, with no aid from sedatives or drugs. 

9. Knowing that the ones I care for are happy, my brother told me this.

Escaping From A Whirlpool

I get a lot of thinking, all which are superfluous, gratuitous and optionally redundant at times. I don’t need a permanent hobby to get rid of all these cynical and sardonic mind-boggling thoughts, unless I’m really incapable of sorting out what’s right [which is what to be typical] then I would seek for advice from a friend or two. More than any other phrase I seldom go on plaintively text or whisper over a phone line as I begin to figure out my way through a baffling maze between denial and what is right. 

“You are what others say you are.” How often do you find this true?

A constant grueling as people say that me, myself and I am the core causative agent to my problems. Periodically, that is what you get when someone loose their trust in you. They put no confidence in every decision you make, no respect at all in your stand and what’s painful is that they will never be able to understand how things go through your lenses. It took a fetus a long time to finally grow into a proper child and through nurturing and growth to be an adolescent and because of one unresolved matter; all the trust just shatters away as though it was never there. Everyone deserves a second chance, I was given one; but what is the point of actually forgiving and putting what lies in the past when people are still revolving it constantly, reminding a painful incident that might still traumatize you as if the sin is not obvious enough for you to bear? 

Why am I so weak in this whirlpool?

At present, what is best is to strive to not cause any problem to anyone because I myself am a problem to what is reverberating around my diameter; and to just be a little patient just so that I don’t break down.

Please be patient my brother, I know that you have the greatest heart to help. In fact you have helped more than anyone else.