I Named My Post 'An-Dong-Ni'

How many people are willing to open doors to an acquaintance?

An old pal of mine used to nag about how proud I am, for not trying to keep in touch with him and some of the old friends that we used to hang out with; or not having the decency to get to know more people apart from my pathetic cycle of a handful of close friends. It took me long enough to realize the value of true friends, and it took me even longer for me to be able to accept new people as the doors are normally shunned or blocked. As proud as I am cognizant, I find no reason to approach people naturally. What’s worst, I even find no motive to be open to others whom I won’t have the chance to keep a solid friendship. I am not a risk taker, more of a coward and somehow of a milksop. 

As a junior, I was relatively close to some of my seniors; maybe due to the fact that we attend the same church service every Sunday or just the simple natural fact that they are my seniors and we as juniors were supposed to be the amenable, obedient junior and tag along their tails and follow whatever they say because (in my opinion) they know best. 2 batches of my seniors graduated, it took a while to readjust, as I didn’t find much time to mingle around with other people while I was still ‘raw’ and ‘innocent’ in med school. Cut to the chase, I may only know one or two of my seniors in the current 5th or 6th year out of all the hundreds of other people. I don’t find it comfortable already to do all the pseudo chattering and blasphemy that I used to innocently follow my previous seniors to do. Maybe I grew slightly matured and started to get hold to life here. Unknowingly, the doors started to rust and soon after I felt too comfortable settling down with my own group of buddies that I bugged and that’s it. I just could not be bothered to know anyone else beyond my range. 

An interesting Sunday topped up with an interesting hard boiled egg that was supposed to be soft boiled

I had an interesting Sunday evening at my senior’s place, to come to think of it; I wouldn’t want to call him my senior. It’s that odious label that keeps people in a certain distant. A random invite from a friend over to his place to chill and have a little conversation or two, I’ve never even talked to him in person other than the habitual greetings which I shamelessly admit that I dislike to do so to an acquaintance moreover a stranger. Maybe it just happened at the right moment? He approached me at the right moment and I somehow momentarily decided to put down my pride and neglect all the awkwardness. 

You see, how much people can we engage to if we are willing to put down our overly abused self-centeredness and pride and just accept people? Maybe not anyone but some of the people amongst our community, you will never know who you might end up with as a real good friend.

Anna Sun

Dennis Boon's hardcore Nokia

Random gas mask that I found around main campus

Decent chocolate cheese cake from a friend for breakfast

Had a nice dinner with my best buddies 

my usual caesar salad

Been wondering a lot on whether my brain is subconsciously adjusting itself towards the 20's or not, or is it just due to the fact that I'm over thinking about all the odds and imperfection. It just does not work in it's usual way of inactivity & leisure when certain things are not in it's rightful place. Sleep disorders have been deteriorating to an extend I'm considering whether to consume drugs just so that I can get a proper sleep. 

Been burdened by the pile of work and pre-reading every day; it's no joke that everyone will be claiming that 2nd year in med school is supposed to be more relaxing. That is, if ... it is said by any random senior. But how can Biochemistry to easier compared to other subjects? I swear 80% of the time my Biochemistry lecturer gives his lecture, I'm either left out in Mars or one of Saturn's rings.

I have much more pending tests on hand, and did I mention that I loathe Economics to death? The recent conversation I had with my Econ lecturer was:

"It seems that you only got 69/100 for your economics test 1, you want to reseat?" 
"Errr.. No??"
"But your friends got 90 plus?"
"It's alright, I'm fine with 69 as long as I passed."

True story, I just could not be bothered to read anything about it and decided to flunk it. I was monotonously wondering, who gets 90/100 for Economics? You're not going to be Donald Trump anyways. A lot more responsibilities to handle, endless studying to cope, and more people to kill. 

Blue

It is really impossible to believe that I have these bunch of buddies who is constantly bugged by this brat, and to bear all my nonsense and balderdash.

My Favourite Name Is Ian

Couldn't stop noticing Cheryl's kitty during cell group, so I abusively raped it. Pun intended

Pressure is good, stress is superior and tension is even more marvellous above all. We often load ourselves  up when we travel, it's an archetypal human nature to have the tendency to prepare for any situation or whatsoever. The burden of being prepared leaves us with our arms full, unable to receive whatever is there when we arrive. I wonder how did I even relate all this to pressure, maybe a simultaneous unawareness as my pile of workload continues to increase dramatically and a small unit of my subconscious mind constantly exerting me to read them. 

What I learned; drop everything, leave everything and be open to everything. We bother to much when it comes to human contact, maybe the term 'we' implies on how much of a hypocrite I am trying to cover my own self identity of being one of the individuals that simply judges people with judiciousness. I bet I've mentioned this over a million times. If I were to be given a chance to reverse time, I would have appreciate those around me more and make more effort in mingling around with some of the interesting people whom I miraculously discovered. Shame on me, I just could not bother much about their existence back in those days. Social networking is already burdensome, the typical conversations over the network just does not work for me. The non-prevailing interaction by typing vigorously over the keyboard? Not my cup of tea. I'd rather wander around myself in soap-opera marathon whether it comes to slutty dramas like '90210' or those of non-fiction like 'Lie to Me'.

A winter holiday brought me unto realisation that there are some people that are really interesting and worth knowing. For once, I managed to have some really good conversation with this senior of mine. It was awkward approached initially, or maybe it is still... Nevertheless, better late than never to know someone that I find him really interesting in personality. Funny how I was telling Lily: "How come I never realised the existence of such an interesting and good fellow until he approached me first?"

Either it's human nature or not; why does it always us to undergo some phenomenon of a kind to gain people's attention? I used to have the dejecting thought of dealing with pretentious, temporary sympathy and apathy others give to another individual when he/she is having a hard time. But for once, this was genuine, decent and it somehow made me appreciate and also to take big steps to be open and just to accept some people.

It's a nice feeling, now I have an addition interesting friend and he knows that I wanted to be named Ian. 

Cat Porn & Me

Here is some cat porn that I managed to snap during my previous trip back home, just a short update to tell the world that I'm alive [not that anyone ever bothers right?]. Can't comprehend the amount of reading that is needed in order to get my brain on par with most of my batch mates since this brat has undergone a series of cerebrum degradation process and thus is currently an imbecile. An example was during Economics, my logic brain does not seem to understand the linkage between all those terminologies in real life. Bullshit

Here's confession, I finally realised how people are intimidated by the fact that I posses a blog and will somehow use it as some weaponry against you. Truth it, I'm one of the self-proclaimed nicest person ever and will feed with you candy unless I came across any direction which leads to an unexplained legit reason to dislike you. Remind me the next time when I'm evil okay? 

Once

Crossing thousands of miles to the origin

Sigh

Just once, I'm praying hard that something good will happen and return back to normal and not have it immediately followed by something bad or have it end as far as it started.

Strong Enough?

Best place to engage yourself in shopping

... also the one and only place for people to visit Kuala Lumpur

The delicacies, hawker stall beats the rest

Dried chili chicken without any tinge of spiciness

Forever 21, where girls shop and guys sit and wait

Met up with a good lawyer friend of mine here

Queued for centuries just to get seats

Overrated 'Snow Flake'

Morning breakfast

The regular, Starbucks green tea latte grande, low sugar, low cream

Salmon pasta from TGI Friday's

Grilled cheese and sizzling chicken 

In the midst of picking up the pace, picking up pieces, finding the remaining ones and striving hard to put them all up into one final piece. A new piece this brat hopes, because too much has happened that he eventually grew a new soul, new heart and a degraded brain. It will take a really long process, nevertheless hopefully he will be back to an entire new platform and definitely not back to the old self.

I finally realized, after all these years that there are really some interesting people that are worth knowing for and for the first time in history I approached one of them just to grab hold on the thought of knowing some individuals that are really worth knowing for. It's a huge step. 

Why, I Am Anti Social

I’ve been meeting people (the same old few people, sad but it’s a fact that the number of friends we used to hang out with eventually goes down in any form of statistics calculated, no need a mathematician to draft out a graph for you). 

Random view of the sky that a professional photographer friend of mine claimed to be nice, guilty and flattered. 

I’ve always believe that our human nature works in a way that we mingle, blend, socialize, chum in with people from the same circle. Well, at least I believe so. It does not really require each and every individual to posses’ similarities in terms of characteristics, thinking or mindset. Akin to a key-lock enzyme reaction, you’re either the enzyme or substrate in order to carry out a complex reaction just so that the end product will work out. I recalled meeting an old bunch from friends last two summers; it wasn’t the exact group which I normally hang out, a mixture of old friends in addition with one or two acquaintances that I’m habitually not fond of. Cut to the chase, our so-called gathering turned out to be awkwardly boring, tedious and exhausting. It caused a mild infuriating fatigue to my ear drums as well as facial muscles since I were to literally force them to work in action simultaneously just so that I am able to produce the most ‘genuine’ smile or grin of agreement. I’m not sure whether it’s because everyone has been majoring in their respective fields or just because of my personal degradation in tolerating what I call an endless gibberish and negative natter. 

For example, the extensive lengthy nonsense about how ‘amazing’ your boyfriend is or vice versa; yes the number of roses you received, the size of the horrendous Hello Kitty plushie you constantly flood on Facebook with his name tagged onto it and acting surprised when he gave it to you. Crappiest thing I ever heard. Like I ever give a damn (unless he got you pregnant and you end up being the hottest gossip people share on Facebook). 

Or the uncommon usual, of being extremely negative on my decision to take up Medicine and hopefully graduate as a doctor. Those drawn out, outpouring amount of negativity and discouragement, indisputably causing me to suffocate to death due to your pessimism regardless of the field of studies or simply when we talk about studies. If you’re not interested in what I am currently doing, it’s simple; just bloody shove a sponge soaked in elephant urine into your oral cavity, squeeze it dry and repeat the similar actions only with different levels of urine. My suggestion is to utilize cat’s urine or even better, a skunk’s urine. 

Especially those who are unfortunate for them to be in the same field as me, but constantly, regularly, repeating around the cloak on how terrible the place of education is, on how lousy the education system is, how tormenting it will be when he/she works. Seriously, what’s with all this waste of time and money? Bringing out all those griping, dissatisfaction and chagrin during our gatherings, spreading your viral cynicism to everyone, hoping that everyone will feel as shitty as you are. Bullshit. People like this, are lurking everywhere… easily discovered when you’re asked out to fill in numbers while your friends and you congregate together under one roof. Go figure 

Due to age, or simple because I have lost the high tendency to abide all sorts balderdash and baloney; but truth to be told that it is really difficult to sit properly and have a proper fruitful conversation with a buddy or two. I met up with Xun Jin and his housemate last Saturday, it was great I would conclude. Non alike of the above, but not only that it was pleasant but you tend to always gain a thing or two from people like them; rare but you actually felt that for once or maybe twice that you still have friends worth listening to.

Familiarity, Where Did you Go?

Familiarity that this country provided me ages ago, where have you been?

Why does it always take a serious issue to smash onto a country like my hometown Malaysia in order for Malaysians to unite? Too much has been happening, one does not need the addition click on a random tab for latest issues in ‘The Star’ or scrolling through web pages like ‘Malaysian Insider’ or manually flipping through the morning papers to get yourself updated. Videos, articles shared all over social networks especially Facebook and Twitter has been spreading like wild fire. I could not be bothered to even elaborate on every single thing, though it has been a customary for me to do so back in secondary school days for essay purposes just to satisfy certain teachers. However, I do still keep myself updated once in a while (shamelessly downloaded several applications on my iPhone just so you know); one that knows nothing about what’s revolving around the nation especially in your 20s can be considered nothing but dog poop being ignored laying by the road side, no kidding. 

Too much referendum, protocols, mandates done by our leaders, in accordance with our determination to refrain from aggression, inflation, social issues whatever you name them and to build up sentiment and practice among citizens from all walks of life more favourable to peace…. I myself feel ashamed to even type this seemingly extended sentence with its dubious efficiency and competence. Is it really our leader’s capability that we need to be questioning about or it is the people that are impossible in creating mutualism which will eventually, hopefully transform to something more beneficial for both parties? Easier said than done, best statement said by this brat. 

Malaysia, I feel you so badly but for the future generation, I feel for you even more. Sigh