Ghost Bird

The truth is forever painful and hurting; we had a few cycles around Urological ward today and the doctor showed us to this particular patient. She’s only 21 years old, suffering from diabetes mellitus with severe pyelonephritis undergoing 2 weeks treatment but it was effortless so they had to perform surgery on her. Lying there motionless with tubes connecting her left kidney in order to drain out urine. Edema was pretty severe on both legs and face. Only a year older than us, yet the gap of life differences is so prominent; life is cruel and I wouldn’t even think of what to do if I were in her position.     

Sometimes it’s better to not let people know the truth; truth alters any form of relationship despite being on solid, firm ground or rocky roads. We might not be able to accept it, hence we try and put efforts in order to pretend that we do not mind. Not everyone is heavy hearted to face the truth.

I’m trying to escape most of the truth that haunts me deeply, explains the insomnia that I’ve been having recently. Wondering why does it have to happen at this time, with this particular person, during this special phenomenon; against all odds and liberation my mind just goes on wondering. Even from the context I’m portraying seemed to show that I’ve been jumbling everything in one post, I tend to get myself lost and diverted from a certain pathway while blogging.

In search for inner peace, in search for serenity, in search for therapy before I lost the way searching myself in reality.

No Name Face

What a precipitous outcome, it was swiftly 0, to –2 degrees until it dropped massively to –18 degrees one morning. Hence, I’m obliged to ditch the regular Autumn trench coat and had to dig through my closet to put on a winter jacket. Being a cheapskate and not owning any winter boots yet, feet nearly got frozen on my way to main campus. A pair of winter boots range from 4k Rub to 6k Rub, approximately MYR400 to MYR600. I’ll wait for money to drop from the sky.

Random fat cat that I bumped every week in one of the hospitals, as ignorant and as grumpy as ever

Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day; I had an abrupt unintentional Thanksgiving dinner with Mike & Eelin. It was just a random Thursday of having the initiative to cook for my best friends until all of a sudden Mike mentioned: “Hey, it’s Thanksgiving today!”  A simple dinner over ‘Chi-kut-teh’, some hard boiled eggs and Sprite. We had so much talking, unnoticed and by the time we decided to call it off… it was already 30 minutes passed midnight.

A day after Thanksgiving, there’s an endless list of things that I’m thankful for; but for now… I’m thankful for having best friends like Mike & Eelin.

Side note: Forgive my lack of inspiring posts, too much too do, too little time, too much procrastination and too much laziness to trounce.

Pro Chicken Cutter

The supreme feeling when you mastered the skill of cutting, de-skinning, de-boning an entire full-size chicken, cleaning your utensils and dump the chicken into a pot in less than 10 minutes; while the person beside you just stood there awkwardly with another full size chicken doing nothing at the same time, monotone to self: "what a looser."

Nose Poke

It’s difficult to sketch those non-anime eyes, either you end up getting them in unequal sizes or shapes; same goes to these pair of black framed spectacles and arms and lower extremities. Conclusion, anything that requires drawing in pair form in opposite direction has it’s arduousness and difficulties. Explains why my artworks get all lazier when I’m finished with the character’s head. 

Couldn’t explain much from what she wants to express or convey; hence, a poke on the nose. Been doodling a lot of random caricatures recently. 

We Are Dreamers

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.

Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

Took a short break from Histology, grabbed some colour pencils though they seemed alienated by the grips around my phalanges. I prefer my drawings to be bold, nude and natural run across the surface of the paper by pencil lead with slight shading. This time, it got a little different to the addition of minor hues to it.

Sugar Skull

I had the urge of doodling something related to what I had felt a couple of days ago, something related to fear but not quite at it. It wasn’t something depressing or doleful to an extend that it wretches and distresses me, close to it but there is a wide gap present upon reaching that level. But definitely not my regular abstemious life, it had to meant something and hence this artwork came to live.

Sugar skull, one of the most popular figures of the Day of the Dead celebrations in Mexico. It has nothing to do with me practicing such form of celebration; but I find that sugar skulls are intricate and unique at the same time. I tried to convey what I felt through it, despite the absence of correlation between both parties. If I were to draw something dark, gory and medieval; it would have belied my own feelings by then.

I was impressed by the meticulous, comprehensive and precise tattoos of sugar skulls performed by tattoo artists on actual human skin. My was comparatively child’s play, considering the fact that it was randomly sketched when I was munching over ‘Twix’ in one hand, eyes stuck on some Taiwanese reality show and a right hand griping my regular 2B pencil sketching. 10 minutes later, I gave up and stopped with an uncompleted female figurine beside.

Was attempting a similar artwork, adding a slight Japanese scent to it but the inspiration and focus came to naught after that.

The power of photo editing, diminishes eye bags, weariness, swollenness… basically everything on the face as a result of sleep deprived.

Maybe add a wig and excessive makeup, all hail photo editing. Over timed for my so-called short rest from Histology.

Passport Ride

A recent event obliged me to take a 14 hour bus ride all the way down to Moscow; I absentmindedly lost my passport last month. Now don’t get all over me questioning unremittingly regarding how I lost it, or like most people would go on perpetually reminding me search for it at this ‘so-called last place I have put it’. Well, if I am able to recall where I last placed it I would not even be bothering making police reports, and going through all the trouble dealing such issues.

Made several stops for urination, cleaning, breathing and random photo snapping

I was lucky to be accompanied by a friend; going through all the hard times due to such loss. It may seemed like a minute problem, but really… it’s one of those times we can make a clearer filtration of who are those standing next to you when a problem such rock hard wacked on your face. 14 hours of bus ride is indeed straining, the cramped, confining seat causing you to change position every half an hour, the constant adjustment on where to place both legs; I ended up placing my root directly behind the head rest of this anonymous Russian in front of me.

Eelin’s Cappuccino with cinnamon and mine was with German chocolate  

We arrived an hour and half earlier before estimated time, the local time was 5AM with a degree of –5, was wondering in the dark streets of Moscow until I randomly spotted a 24 hour operating ‘Coffee House’. Rushed in to catch some warmth and waited till 6AM to place some orders. I recalled telling to my fellow comrades, one of the luckiest thing in life for me is to have a proper breakfast with a nice dose of caffeine, preferably coffee. Well, this happened to be one of those ‘lucky’ days.  

Breakfast was tortillas with cheese and ham

Chit chat, got hold of some friends from Moscow just in case I got lost or got kidnapped and tuned into some Cantonese soap operas in Eelin’s iPad while waiting for food to arrive. Uncommonly surprised to see people entering the building when it was only 6AM or around that time, mostly well dressed in suits and tuxedo after they removed their winter coats. Mid-aged working citizens beginning their day, most of them with croissant drizzled with chocolate syrup. I love social learning, hence being as observant as I can. 

Insisted on not wearing winter jacket, hence I wrapped myself with 3 layer of clothing including thermal over an autumn trench coat.

Took a cab that costs me more than a hand and a leg and had to wonder around an entire hector filled with embassy headquarters. The ratio of our Malaysian Embassy compared to Swedish and German is around 1:10:10, no joke. Took me sometime to rewrite documentations all in Malay, was stuck all the way thinking how to translate pocket from English to Malay. But thank God all is done.

Kievskaya

Mr. Tan, Minister Counselor of the Malaysian Embassy was really kind to buy Eelin and I lunch, had some really interesting conversation with this fellow. Drove us to the nearest train station and did some walking before heading back to Volgograd.

2 nights in the bus without sleep, missed Biochemistry and Russian for Monday. Thank God that things are settled now, lesson learned: chain every valuable items to yourself, that’s what limbs are for.

Blaze

Vintage people never die

First attempt trying the fire effect  

The Twilight Edward Cullens

Perfect blaze   

Autumn, You Confused Me

Why do good times passed so fast? Even seasons are obliged to obey such law, autumn stays for a wee too short; leaves did not even have the chance to embrace their golden charm, let alone bringing out their rare ruby redness which I assumed most photographers are desperate for. As for me, it is only this year that I did not utilize a camera during Autumn season. Digital cameras are terrible in taking pictures now that I learned a thing or two tweaking with a DSLR.

It was all sudden, woke up as early as 7AM to make myself daily coffee while scrolling through newsfeed from Facebook, apparently that came as my prior compared to reading real news from Star online or sites similar to that. Bombarded with status updates regarding first snow in Volgograd, only realized when Sean asked me to peek through the window and discovered that everything was covered in snow.

Bugged a friend to tag along with me after some period of endless persuasion just so that we can leave earlier to snap a few shots on the way. Not forgetting to mention that I had Physiology colloq on that very day. It didn’t go perfectly well, questions about long and short reflexes in Enteric Nervous System that I left out while studying.

Currently being sunken in my confused state whether to call this season autumn or winter?

Of Names

How can names be such a hilarious subject to discuss about over a cup of coffee when four are gathered together? The hysterical part was when we depend on the internet searching for sources over our names’ origin and making a fun out of everything. Like Cynthia who actually came from a mountain, well that’s a bad way of mentioning it when it actually originates from the Greek moon goddess who was born on Mount Cynthus. Not forgetting, the name Fiona with a related name ‘Fionnghal’ which was wrongly pronounced as ‘Fionghai’ initially by the person herself causing such a hell load of havoc when I thought it came from some rural village originating in China. Sean, when he just starting proudly describing his name’s origin from Ireland and out of the blue someone mentioned the Jamaican pop singer ‘Sean Kingston’, epically ruined his moment.   

Conversations like this are worth sacrificing Histology for; laughter does not last forever. 

***

On a side note, I've been having a major headache on what phone to get to replace my dying N78. Stop flushing my mind with the latest iPhone 4S because people need to stop having stereotype thinking that Macbook users must also own an iPhone. Wrong. The latest iPhone 4S doesn't impress me at all, it tricked me into believing that Apple would release an iPhone 5 with larger screen display; besides, to be honest... iPhone 4S with a price tag as huge as THAT! It's either people are getting richer and richer or that people just want to actually follow the trend of graciously owning an iPhone. Hence, I'n in dilemma of considering either Android or Windows phone. Android's interface looks overall too messy; Windows on the other hand has really smooth stunningly simply interface. Since I'm not familiar at all with both Android and Windows phone...

I'm either considering HTC Titan or HTC HD7, price unknown yet but hopefully by end of January it'll will drop as low as my budget. Initially I was really liking Nokia Lumia 800 until... I realised that no bloody idiot will ever buy that device since it doesn't even have a front facing camera. Flea brain  

Chocolate Cheese Song

An afternoon of pool with a few friends of mine, you feel like a superior omnipotent once your skills in pool are improving in nanometers; never felt so great in my life. Pretty get the hang of it once you practice more, that is… if there are anymore further holidays for me to kill time and to gather buddies for tiny gatherings such as that.

Night I spent a night with homemade cheese/chocolate fondue with Mike & Lily; one of those random ideas that flashed through your mind once in a while but we never seemed to bother about it. So I asked Lily “come let’s do a fondue at Jun’s place this Friday night!”  We did manage to realize it, only at a different location and minus Jun out of the equation.

The sinful gluttony of dipping baked bread in warm, fragrant cheese with wine. Perfect concoction to please every taste bud, it must be the blue cheese effect but Mike insisted that it was the wine that was performing it’s magic. Just like the fondue stand, it has this therapy effect, lazing around on my room’s floor carpet with thick fluffy blankets, satisfying ourselves with a mouthful of cheese and bread. When we got sick of that, we melted bitter/sweet chocolate in milk and have ourselves chocolate fondue instead. Fork a banana in it and the feeling gets all your nerves and taste buds voraciously orgasmic. Bananas and chocolate, nothing beats them I swear.  

Not forgetting the series of music from the 90’s, now that’s what you call heaven.

Catch Her Way

Planned out a birthday dinner for Jun at Coffee House last Tuesday night with Lily & Mike, it’s been long since we have our very own ‘family’ time together. Got myself a dark purple shirt with red cardigan for the night, a perfect chum along with my ‘Tropic’ drink I ordered.

Shot of Mike & I, purposely making me look tall here

Mike and his “one guy two wives” post, that’s what I name it

Pretty girls, sis and birthday girl, Jun

Forever acting cool

Had some random candid snapshots with my digital camera for the night, the thing about digital camera is that so much extreme editing on various software is essential to create a decent picture. It’s a really hideous ugly lady putting on makeup with the thickness of my Anatomy text book; without it they’ll just look revoltingly unsightly.

Had some really tasty good, Coffee House serves one of the best pizzas and pastas, shared among ourselves some cake to sum up a fantastic night.

Stair Wells

 

Belated birthday artwork of a good friend of mine, taken by Mike’s DSLR & polarizer

First day of my 3 days holiday just started, though it does not feel like a holiday since I will be mercilessly bombarded by Physiology, Anatomy & Histology colloquiums for the next week. The feeling of wanting to slack through these three days by endless dozing and siesta broke off reluctantly. People were asking for plans during these few days, but all I wanted is to just follow the flow; hence I settled down with an afternoon lunch and pool session, along with homemade chocolate fondue at Jun’s place with loved ones tomorrow. 

Pretty much resembling the real person, minus the imbaance chibi liked head

I had 2 days continues of 3 hours of sleep only these few days, no idea why but I could not seem to figure out what’s the cause of my grave insomnia. A transparent burden not being lifted but the chances of me trying to recall it is nil. I’m considering calm, Zen music with a bolded blue coloured mat for yoga or meditation to ease the withered mind of mine.    

Time for my pencils and papers. Maybe some song by Kina Grannis or Jason Walker, good stuff. Not forgetting a huge mug of coffee.

Hold Them Back

Flutters of happiness flying unsteadily, hovering each flap of wings so quickly and lightly; have you ever wonder why does merriment, zest and levity last for such a short while? If you know that delight and joy is only temporary, how could you even fully soak yourself in those high-spirit moments of gaiety?

They say that life is the pursuit of happiness when we’re young. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious, having doubts, thinking more meticulous before taking any actions. Uncertain whether to make a second step or not because you could easily break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you. Life becomes less safe as we grow up because we are embedded that a deplorable, abysmal and an atrocious misery will come after us. We’ve transformed into such pessimistic and negative people when we don’t understand the cycle of life, ups and downs reverberate themselves without control.

When did we even stop being fun and started being scared of life?