Why Bother?

No idea what made me to be such a dunce, an ignoramus, worst than an imbecile, simply a moron. Contributions are meant to be done with a heart, I agree. I don’t do things unwillingly but certain situations obliged me to do so, despite how stifle or shoddy it is.

Not everything flows in parallel with one’s working pattern, certainly not mine. I enjoy doing things for people if it appears to be homogenous to what I intended to. I blamed myself for having a soft heart, not easily being able to stand up to decisions and in no doubt.. not being able to reject.

Yes, I’m the ass that will accept something  with immense hesitation and grudge and bleat or make a huge fuss about it from behind if I find myself not enjoy doing it.

Pretty much everyone will take it as: “You immature unavailing person!”

I failed badly when it comes to social and dealing with people and responsibilities, I choose which responsibility I want to bear.

I used to put into mind, just accept any job or responsibility given! I got not much of a talent, I'’m not as outspoken as half the world seemed to be since I don’t really give a damn about attention. Maybe I can learn a few things or two by doing this.

Certainly N-O!!!

I hate it when I’m given a task that I don’t enjoy doing it. Initially people can persuade you: “Hey can you help up with ….. You’ll be in charge.”

Oh yeah, total power. Self proclaimed omnipotent, I don’t mind then since I’m able to do things my way, suits my style of working and certainly I will enjoy it. Alas, less than 5 seconds I begin discussing and the so called ‘in charge’ was slit off and I find myself being a slave doing things according to other people’s ideas.

In short, hating doing it. Literally hate.

I used to disagree when people said “What’s the purpose to contribute so much? Why waste energy? Why waste time??” In my opinion, it wasn’t a waste of time, it’s a time for me to actually learn something, something to help me deal with people and handling responsibilities.

As shitty as it sounds, I was all wrong. Why do things that I’m unwilling of doing? Why do I even bother being the one behind everything with zero benefits?

Self note: This shall be the last.. The last! I got due dates by this weekend, so doomed.