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| Family |
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| Junnie & Lily |
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| Really artistically taken picture with Jun |
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| An-Dong-Ni |
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| J.E crew that managed to pull through the recent 'LOVE VOLGOGRAD' charity concert |
It’s true that those who made deep impacts in my life have no idea about it; I don’t go around thanking them from time to time, as this would only fabricate appreciation to something less sincere and below genuine. Same goes to friends when they thank me, it’s an involuntary gesture and perhaps to show courtesy when I [somehow] do good things to people, but for the simplest of things to a close friend… I really do not need any sort of thanking or whatsoever. It only applies to acquaintances or simple friends who have not yet reached any deeper relationship with me. Or else it will only appear to be phony and dupe, sadly that is how I view things.
Sometimes I fall in love, literally to the people around me. I guess this is what you call as mutual love towards a close friend despite whether male or female. It applies to both, the nice warm feeling when you can actually rely on them; but it often feels nicer when you know that they too… can rely on you. Honestly I do not get that very often, in fact I do not at all. Sometimes I view myself as the problematic one, the one with all the unnecessary gibberish exceed thinking that causes self abusive drama that at times, I find myself creating problems to people around me. I am grievingly apologizing on behalf of my alter ego as I speak. Only recently I feel so trusted and that is ultimately the best feeling ever, when a friend trusts you with his/her thoughts and sharing. I’m not demanding for people to do that, but for once… I feel like I am actually not creating problem for people and literally lending a shoulder.
It’s a nice feeling to be trusted really.
Like all things, I like it when there is a balance to it. A reciprocated center point when two meets, it doesn’t have to be a tensed conversation over iMessage or a string of questions bombarding the other partner that all together makes everyone awkward and uneasy. I am cognizant that I have social issues when it comes to connecting with people of different circles; I obligate myself to change at times. Stepping out into others’ interest, perhaps that would make things easier to maintain a decent mutual friendship? No joke that I loathe to be attached to cyber, virtual chatting because I cannot really observe what and how the other person is feeling or doing while chatting. It lacks the touch of sincerity and truth and not everyone relish the invention of Skype.
A typical reply for me over a text or instant message will be either “Anything important, please call me” or “Skype”.
I did not realize how much of a boring person I am until friends abroad from me tell me that it’s hard to have a decent conversation with me because I’m either not interested in what they say, or I could not afford to chat with them online due to the somehow ‘uninteresting’ replies I give them, or simply just because I never bother to make the first move to approach them. Since when did connecting become so difficult over the period of time? I sincerely want to have a decent conversation but everytime I thought of the fact that it might bore the person, I retrieved my fingers from texting over my iPhone or keyboard. Maybe this quote applies:
“Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they’ll notice. If they don’t, you know where you stand.”
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