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| Easter cake sold only during the week of Easter |
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| A quote from a friend's wall |
Good things about Easter, the flocks of people queuing up for Easter cake; and not forgetting to emphasize that the ones with dried apricot and cottage cheese tastes best. I had two this year, one from a classmate and another from a close senior.
If I have the chance to write a letter to God, it would sound something like this. Yes, the type of letter with my economical 80 cents ink pen over a classic piece of A4 paper with maybe dabs of my personal doodling here and there just to make it appear to be idiosyncratic and unique in a sense.
I wouldn’t want to begin by thanking You for all that You’ve done because I know that I will eventually take for granted at things and not be sufficiently grateful for all that I have. We’re always taught to be grateful or to feel sinful when it comes to prayers, maybe ‘we’ shouldn’t be use in this context as I am solidly referring to myself. My regular prayers often begin with a list of things I demand shamelessly, maybe be appreciative with one or two things that I clearly don’t mean them truly as I repeat this list for every single prayer. Finally I end it with asking for forgiveness, which always… is always… the shortest period. Merely a few seconds because honestly I often feel guilty about the mistakes that I tend to make consciously or subconsciously. As if I’m constantly covering my face with a veil written ‘shame’ and ‘guilt’ all over it.
Which makes me think twice, if I know that my prayers to You aren’t as genuine and sincere as it has to be; why do I even bother to do it so often? It has become a habit more of an obligation that we must pray to You almost every single day, and since young my definition of a prayer happened to be judged according to its length whether it’s spent with half the time wandering elsewhere to another planet in the midst of prayer or thinking about that am I going to do tomorrow (while praying). I am reprehensively admitting that.
I wish I could have those regular conversations where both of us are comfortable. Even with real human, I find myself facing this extensive awkwardness and invincible shield especially when they’re strangers or acquaintances; what more to say You? You exist, I know You do… but I felt that I’ve lost touch with You recently. You’ve brought me well throughout these recent years, especially upon my arrival in this foreign land of Volgograd, Russia. I can finally feel your presence. You gave me hardships; challenges and obstacles that You’re sure of I can take them into my own hands. They’ve been amazing great testimonials to many others.
But lately, I’ve grown weak and frail. You dumped to me with such misfortune, distress so hard that I still can’t forget. Yes, in the middle you’ve gave me something in return; you’ve given me some real friends and fixed a lost friendship. But still, I am too delicate and afraid to regain the trust and faith I have in You. I’m paranoid that every time I lay my complete trust and faith in You, something will eventually turn out wrong. I cannot face the disappointment any longer because I can’t bear to think that You have betrayed my trust and faith. I am only human desperate for Your help, but this relationship of rocky roads can sometimes bring me down to the core that I won’t deny of hating You.
So please God, will You give me another chance because I have missed You so badly?
I wouldn’t want to begin by thanking You for all that You’ve done because I know that I will eventually take for granted at things and not be sufficiently grateful for all that I have. We’re always taught to be grateful or to feel sinful when it comes to prayers, maybe ‘we’ shouldn’t be use in this context as I am solidly referring to myself. My regular prayers often begin with a list of things I demand shamelessly, maybe be appreciative with one or two things that I clearly don’t mean them truly as I repeat this list for every single prayer. Finally I end it with asking for forgiveness, which always… is always… the shortest period. Merely a few seconds because honestly I often feel guilty about the mistakes that I tend to make consciously or subconsciously. As if I’m constantly covering my face with a veil written ‘shame’ and ‘guilt’ all over it.
Which makes me think twice, if I know that my prayers to You aren’t as genuine and sincere as it has to be; why do I even bother to do it so often? It has become a habit more of an obligation that we must pray to You almost every single day, and since young my definition of a prayer happened to be judged according to its length whether it’s spent with half the time wandering elsewhere to another planet in the midst of prayer or thinking about that am I going to do tomorrow (while praying). I am reprehensively admitting that.
I wish I could have those regular conversations where both of us are comfortable. Even with real human, I find myself facing this extensive awkwardness and invincible shield especially when they’re strangers or acquaintances; what more to say You? You exist, I know You do… but I felt that I’ve lost touch with You recently. You’ve brought me well throughout these recent years, especially upon my arrival in this foreign land of Volgograd, Russia. I can finally feel your presence. You gave me hardships; challenges and obstacles that You’re sure of I can take them into my own hands. They’ve been amazing great testimonials to many others.
But lately, I’ve grown weak and frail. You dumped to me with such misfortune, distress so hard that I still can’t forget. Yes, in the middle you’ve gave me something in return; you’ve given me some real friends and fixed a lost friendship. But still, I am too delicate and afraid to regain the trust and faith I have in You. I’m paranoid that every time I lay my complete trust and faith in You, something will eventually turn out wrong. I cannot face the disappointment any longer because I can’t bear to think that You have betrayed my trust and faith. I am only human desperate for Your help, but this relationship of rocky roads can sometimes bring me down to the core that I won’t deny of hating You.
So please God, will You give me another chance because I have missed You so badly?
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