Raspberry Cheese Cake

I enjoy the process of meticulously planning something for someone, but ironically not just arbitrarily anyone. It’s exciting even though it is fraught with stress and you’re constantly apprehensive that it might not turn out as you had initially expected (Ask Catherine about how deftly my anxiety escalates throughout the day thinking about baking a cheese cake for my brother). I wasn’t doubting the dexterity and handiness of my good friend, it’s simply lack of confidence baking my very first virgin cake for someone who is capable of making me an ice-cream cake during my recent birthday. Hence, the pressure blistering from within. 

Never knew that simple steps require such intricate touches and measurements, I thank God for technology as tiny blocks of cream cheese were added one at a time into the mixture bowl. Mixing them with midget-sized effort, movement control and a little nag from my friend as I slowly pace my way towards the so-called perfect cake. Blended some fresh raspberries from a local market as toping because I insisted on using fresh ones. 

My plans didn’t turn out to be perfectly well; it got a little haywire in the midst of it. Not entirely upset but just somehow disappointed that my plans didn’t work out as expected. That’s the downfall of surprises, because you can never expect how their reaction would be. Calmed myself down in solitude as I waited in one of the empty halls where we used to study together but apparently he doesn’t show up. Who am I supposed to blame? Definitely not my brother as he knew nil about this cake that I had prepared specially for him, noticed that it’s always a struggle for me not to condemn and blame others when it has always been my own fault in the first place. 

In the end, I sliced out two pieces delicately, striving not to ruin its appearance and place them silently in Tupperware container with a lousy written letter on his pre-30 day birthday. I admitted that it was indubitably and gravely written with a quarter rage and pique. Sigh

Never knew that baking a cake can cause myself to experience a turmoil of emotions of bitter and sweet. Interesting.