This feeling is strong but yet undefined; really.
For once I couldn’t explain what is it, no matter how meticulous I ponder upon it, it’s just another round in the abyss.
Words, conversations; big or small; long or short it all doesn’t matter. I see this as weakness, like a thrust into the mind if one fails to ‘balance’.
Maybe I’m loosing that balance, which I am afraid of.
Staring at the truth but being a hypocrite as usual and not wanting to face it. ‘Right on the face brat! B-A-M!!’ I swift aside and pretended steadily as if nothing happened. As much as I’m ashamed of it, I collapsed if I were to face it myself.
Pretending, not being afraid. That’s just an utter of the outside, but what lies inside tells me that it’s actually pretending to not be afraid but in reality..
The dilemma, the cortex, cerebral, the brain. Why so complicated you ask me?
Someday it will all make sense, but when the someday actually arrives.
I know that it will be the day I am not myself, or actually changed into another person.
Better or not? I am not able to foresee that, but it will definitely not be identical to the current me.
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