Self Note 09

2008 has melted down and it’s the year of 2009. I still cannot imagine time flies swiftly and inevitably fast. I still remembered vividly that I was still a brat entering pre-school and with a blink of an eye, here I am now done with secondary school with more challengers ahead of me. All of a sudden, I felt so old… like an adult.

2008 has taught me many different things. Things that I never viewed of judged with different perspectives. There were joyous and unforgettable moments shared with loved ones that I shall cherish and remember forever. Nevertheless, an archetypal human being like me would also experience depressing and gloomy moments. Sometimes making mistakes are at most inevitable, nobody likes making mistakes but I am cognizant that I want to go through life as a complete recluse and thus I shall convince myself to learn from mistakes correctly to propel forward. Step by step this will mould and nourish me to help me grow.

Throughout the whole year of 2008, I faced many revolving problems in many ways which is seemed to grow and intensifies as I burry the deeply in my heart’s core, I was too feeble to reveal them. I rarely seek help from others; I always believe that if I do so it may give others an impression that I am an individual who is weak and fragile. Hence, my friends barely had any worries about me. Even if they do realise my sudden change in attitude, I would hide my sombre demeanour a pretend as if nothing had happened. I live my life as a hypocrite. But thanks to my beloved friends who supported me and guiding me all the way… I finally remove the mask and reveal my true self. I still had in mind a quote that a very important friend gave me that truly changed me a lot:

“Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing. Hiding your hurt only intensifies it. Problems grow in the dark and become bigger and bigger, but when exposed to the light of truth, they shrink. You are only as sick as your secrets. So take off your masks, stop pretending you’re perfect and walk into freedom.”

Last year is also a vital year for a typical form 5 student like me. I sat for my Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) which is also a key that leads to any open door to my future. Honestly, if I can turn back the time I would take that opportunity to do so. Not in the sense that I screwed up in my final examination since the result is not out yet. But I will promise myself to strive even harder and endeavour whatsoever to improve; who knows it will alter my future. My parents have been ravenously patient and caring to bear with my tetchiness and petulance due to intense pressure…The saying ‘the family is a heaven in the heartless world’ couldn’t be more spot-on in this day and age. Thanks to God I managed to overcome hurdles and bumps in examinations and still being in one piece – GOD IS THE BEST.

For the New Year, I want to change! Though the word appeared as easy as it’s spelled, I am cognizant that a lot has to be done to achieve it. I know, with the support of my beloved family, friends and most importantly God… I believe ‘change’ will only be a mile apart. Even tough I still feel depress every time I thought of the fact that everyone will leave and have their own lives someday, I know that God will continue to answer my prayers so that I am not forgotten in the eyes of those whom I love and care.